Regret

Regret is a heavy word isn’t it?  It is a horrible reality on this earth that we all have to deal with, and we all have plenty of regrets.  Bad choices we made.  Sins we committed.  People we hurt.  It all goes wrong sometimes doesn’t it?

I am here to tell you there is hope!  You do not need to carry those regrets any longer!  When you come to Jesus and lay down your life to Him, He will forgive and cleanse every sin and regret you have!  Anyone who is in Christ is a new creation!  The old has gone, the new has come!

That newness comes the moment you receive Jesus, and for the entire time you follow Jesus.  You are a new creation forever!  Even after you receive Jesus, you will make mistakes, and you might regret those mistakes, but Jesus keeps making all things new in your life as you walk with Him.

I want to tell you about one of my most painful regrets that I have had in my walk with Christ.  If you have been reading my blog, then you know I am straight up about confessing things.  I am not self righteous.  I am Jesus righteous!  So, here we go.

Before I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease on 1-6-12, I had been slowly getting worse over the previous 10 years leading up to that.  I was 33 when I was diagnosed.  At the beginning of my 20s, I started having issues with my gut and food.  I didn’t know what was wrong, and doctors didn’t know either.  My bones and muscles were aching and I was losing my appetite.  I was losing weight rapidly, and my spine burned.  By the time I was diagnosed the disease had almost killed me taking me from 160 to 128 pounds!  It was a nightmare!

One of the worst parts of Celiac is what it does to the human brain.  I cannot digest the protein gliadin found in wheat, barley, and rye.  Oats are also incredibly dangerous for Celiacs because it digests into a very similar protein as gliadin.  Oats caused me to go into anaphylactic shock on 4-28-12 for the first time in my life!  It is that protein gliadin that they nickname “gluten.”

Celiac Disease is a genetic auto immune disorder and a chronic illness.  If I eat wheat, my body will go into a full blown auto immune attack on itself.  This attack causes damage to the small intestine killing the crucial villi in the lining that is necessary for nutrient absorption.  The protein gliadin will also break through the cellular wall of the lining of the stomach and “fly around” wildly inside my body.  One of the worst attacks from this wild protein are on a Celiac’s brain.

As it enters the brain, it causes the hormones responsible for fight or flight to stay at peak intensity even when at rest!  To me it felt like a hive of wasps stinging me right behind my forehead.  I would push on my forehead to try and relieve the pressure and intensity, but it just wouldn’t stop.  I didn’t know what was wrong with me!

This auto immune attack on my body and brain were horrific.  When I watched the Will Smith movie called “Concussion” about the football injury called CTE, it made me cry.  It did that to me because what happens to those guy’s brains looks a lot like what happens to misdiagnosed or undiagnosed Celiacs who are still eating wheat.  It can drive us completely mad!  The scene where the poor guy is banging on his forehead is exactly what I did!

Like I said, it was like a hive of wasps stinging my brain!  The increase and intensity in the fight or flight hormones made me feel abnormally agitated and angry at all times of the day.  I had trouble sleeping and focusing, and it kept getting worse.  At the time of my diagnosis in 2012, I thought I was losing it!  I wasn’t, it was just Celiac making me go nuts.

It took a long time for my brain and body to heal.  For at least the first three years of the disease I yelled at my wife and kids a lot, and they suffered because of it.  I know I would not have been like that if the disease hadn’t attacked my brain like it did, but I still have deep regrets about that time in my life.  I hurt their hearts and I scared them.  It was awful.

I also hurt friends, and my Mom and Dad.  I yelled at them on the phone when my brain was on fire in rage.  I hurt feelings and ruined relationships, and I was supposed to be mister preacher man.

Why am I telling you all this?  Because I want you to know God healed all of that and wiped it away!  He showed me how to eat right as a Celiac and he began to heal my body and brain, and everything got better!  It is even better than before, and our family is strong because of what we have been through.  My wife and kids love me with all their hearts and I love them with all of my heart!

I was shown mercy and grace from friends and family, and my wife and kids, and forgiveness is mine.  I just want to say right here in this post to all of you who I hurt during my time of suffering, please forgive me!  I love you all!  I literally wasn’t right in the head because of Celiac.  I still take responsibility, and that is why I ask for forgiveness.  Please know I love you all, and I never wanted to hurt anyone!  Please keep praying for my complete healing from this disease!  Please forgive me.

I am okay now.  My brain has not been on fire for a long time, and God brought peace and healing to my body.  He cleansed me of all the gliadin protein that was causing the auto immune attack, and He once again made me new!  Our family has a lot of fun together and we are doing just fine now!  I love you guys!

I am a new creation in Christ every day!  He is the Living Water and the Amen, and He flows within me!  Those dark regrets have no hold over me any longer because I am free and clean in His forgiveness!

What regrets do you struggle with today?  What keeps you up at night?  You don’t have to carry those burdens any longer!  Jesus will take those burdens for you, throw them away, and make you brand new!

Come to Jesus today!  He loves you!

Grace and peace to you!