Have Mercy On Me

I am suffering terribly. Those of you who know me know I’ve been fighting Celiac disease and Cachexia for almost 9 years now. It is taking its toll on me and I find myself at a point where I am completely beat down and exhausted. I need serious prayer from my brothers and sisters in Christ! The evil one is trying to kill me, and I have been clinging to Jesus with everything I am. Only He can rescue me and heal me, and I am crying out for mercy.

I don’t know what has happened to my body since moving down here to Florida, but I have entered into a time where it has been almost impossible to function normally during the day. From the time I get up around 7 a.m. until 1 p.m. or later, I have been laid out on the couch due to intestinal, colon, and hemorrhoid pain. I’m in the bathroom all morning and afternoon excreting stool, intestinal mucus, weird bubbles, and blood. Sometimes I can eat a banana for breakfast and sometimes I can’t. Haven’t been able to eat lunch on a regular basis, and I don’t have an appetite until dinner. If I do eat lunch, all I have is a small bowl of brown rice noodles and a few black olives. I don’t eat much at dinner either. Just a couple small waffle slices and some bison meat or bacon. Sometimes I can’t eat meat though.

I’m not getting enough nutrients. This disease is dominating my life. I can’t eat, I can’t write, I have to reschedule appointments, and it is painful to pick up my son from school every day. I have lost more weight and I’m already 30 pounds underweight. I don’t know what to do anymore.

I am crying out for mercy and asking the Lord to do another miracle in my life and heal me. I know I don’t deserve it, but I need to be healed! I can’t go on like this. The evil one has been attacking my mind constantly during this time with the worst attacks of shame, guilt, and condemnation I have ever experienced in my 24 year walk with Jesus. Thoughts of suicide run through my mind all day and I have been attacked over and over again with feelings of fear based on the evil one’s lies regarding my salvation. I have never experienced such attacks on my confidence in Christ ever! The depression has been crushing me!

I know the Lord and I know His Word. I know what He has done for me and I know I’m not condemned! Jesus was right there with me when I stopped breathing! The evil one is a liar and I rebuke him in the Name of Jesus!

The devil lies and tells me the sins I have committed after accepting Christ are not forgiven and I am abandoned and condemned. The devil lies and tells me that is why I’m not healed. The devil lies and tells me I am forsaken and pathetic. The devil lies and beats me over the head with the sins I’ve committed during my walk with Christ, and makes me feel shame that is paralyzing. It’s like my mind is being torn apart and I have been suffering great anguish every day. The devil twists Scripture and thoughts run through my mind that I’m worse than an unbeliever because I can’t even provide for myself or my family and I should just die. That they would be better off without me and a real man would set his family free from the suffering and take himself out.

I rebuke the devil’s lies by crying out to Jesus to rebuke him, and I recite the truth in God’s Word! There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ! Jesus will never leave me nor forsake me! I am not abandoned! I am not condemned! My sins are forgiven and God does not want me to kill myself! Please have mercy on me, Jesus!

Please pray for me! It is a little after 1 a.m. here on the East coast. I am not looking forward to the morning. I am so tired and I don’t want to suffer anymore. I need to be able to eat and gain weight. I am literally wasting away! I cannot be in constant pain constantly going to the bathroom with no end in sight! It is maddening and I need help! The doctors don’t ever help me. I need a miracle!

I know God can do all things! I know nothing is impossible for God! If you know my testimony, then you know why I can say that with full confidence. The Lord has done amazing miracles in my life. Casting out demons, saving me and speaking to me by using angels, and he saved me by a miracle when I stopped breathing in 2012. I know God can heal me! I know He can stop the pain and help me get better! Please Lord, have mercy on me!

I come before the Lord and all of you tonight as a broken man. I am nothing. I am a sinner. I am only saved by God’s grace through my faith in Jesus. I have made so many mistakes in my walk with Christ, and I have sinned shamefully many times. I have not always followed Him faithfully, but He has always been faithful to me. I don’t want to die! I want to live! I want to be here for my wife and kids, but this is no way to live. I am barely surviving this disease, and my days have been drenched in such terrible suffering that I don’t know how much more I can take. My flesh is weak, but the Holy Spirit inside me is strong. It is only the Spirit in me that I can even write this tonight.

I want to be strong for my family. I want to work again and provide for them. I want to be here to see my kids grow up and see my grand kids someday! All of my hopes and dreams are fading. I am only 42 and I am having serious problems with my digestive system. I have to be able to eat! I am slowly starving to death! At this point in my life, I can’t imagine living another year let alone another 20 to 30. What will my gut, intestines, and colon be like in another 20 years! It’s ridiculous! I’m in pain and I need healing! The mental anguish alone is enough to drive a person totally crazy!

I want to serve Jesus and keep preaching the Gospel. I pray He is pleased with me and pleased with this blog. I know I haven’t always said things right. I know I’ve made mistakes and I’ve been harsh and aggressive at times. Forgive me if I have discouraged or hurt you in any way. I want to speak the truth in love with gentleness and respect, but I am not perfect in it, or in anything for that matter. Jesus is perfect. I am a sinful man saved by grace and the only goodness, righteousness, and holiness in me is Jesus!

I have asked Jesus to forgive all my sins, and the truth is all my sins are behind His back! He has separated my sins from me as far as the east is from the west, and He remembers them no more! He is not looking at me through a record of wrongs and He does not count my sins against me! I am fully forgiven and redeemed in the Blood of Jesus Christ and I claim that great and glorious victory by faith! That is the truth I know from God’s Word, and the devil’s lies will never triumph over God’s Truth!

None of us who follow Jesus have followed Him perfectly. We all need His grace, mercy, and forgiveness throughout our entire walk with Him! We all struggle with sin and it is the Lord who will see us through to the end. It is the Lord who is faithful and He will bring us safely into His Heavenly Kingdom!

Please pray that God will stop the attacks on my mind and please pray that He will heal me in His great mercy! I am a child of God! I declare with all my heart that I love and believe in Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ is Lord, and I believe God raised Him from the dead! I am not abandoned! I am loved and saved and I have eternal life in Jesus! Please stop the pain, Lord! Please help me! In Your Holy Name, Lord Jesus, please have mercy on me and glorify Your Name in my healing! Let it be yet another amazing part of my miraculous testimony and let many come to know You through it, amen!

I don’t want to go to bed because I don’t want to wake up in pain having to fight this disease all day. I bow before the Lord in great fear and reverence as I wait for Him to answer me. Please don’t just say a passing prayer for me. Please cry out to the Lord to have mercy on me! I don’t know how else I will survive this. It has just become too much to bear and I want it to be over now. I hope He will give me strength, help me eat, help me gain weight, take away the pain, and help me get back to serving Him by preaching His Word on this blog every day.

I repent for all my sins. Anybody I have ever hurt or sinned against, please forgive me. This disease has destroyed my life. Thank you for praying for me!

Grace and peace to you all!

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

-Romans 8:1

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-not by works, so that no one can boast.”

-Ephesians 2:8-9

“Blessed are they

whose transgressions are forgiven,

whose sins are covered.

Blessed is the man

whose sin the Lord will never count

against him.”

-Romans 4:7-8

“Surely it was for my benefit

that I suffered such anguish.

In your love you kept me

from the pit of destruction;

you have put all my sins

behind your back.”

-Isaiah 39:17

Author: Ryan Callahan

Hello, and welcome to my site! I am an independent Christian author (One Man's Very Strange Supernatural Life), blogger, and evangelist for Jesus. My main goal with this blog is to help people come to know Jesus, help people understand the Bible, and to minister to a lost and hurting world. This site is about hope, new beginnings, grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love! I'm glad you are here, God bless you! Copyright © 2023 Ryan Callahan. All rights reserved.

94 thoughts on “Have Mercy On Me”

  1. Ryan my dear brother in Christ I hope you can feel my arms reaching out to you from the other side of the world and the love that Jesus has for you. You are in dreadful pain and I pray that Jesus reaches down and heals you for your cry and faith has gone up before His throne. I pray that you are healed from this pain in Jesus name, that your intestines are miraculously healed, your appetite restored and you find rest in the arms of your saviour Jesus. I bless you in Jesus name, I stand with you and rebuke the evil one. Take your hand off my brother in Jesus name. I pray that your mind will be covered with the helmet of salvation and that the Lord will bring a word of wisdom and knowledge in this season to you. I pray for strength and comfort to you. I pray restoration in every area of your life. May the light of Christ shine from you. Your testimony of His faithfulness and love and salvation be your anchor. Bless you in Jesus name. We will be praying for you and carrying you before our Father in heaven. The Lord is with you and the Holy Spirit will minister to you.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Hi Ryan. How are you? Isaiah 41;10 says. Fear not for I am with you, be not dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Bless you. My friend Heather and I are praying for you. We rebuke the spirit of infirmity from oppressing you in Jesus name. Nicola

        Liked by 2 people

  2. Jeremiah 15:19
    Therefore thus says the Lord: If you turn, I will restore you, and you will stand before me; and if you separate the precious from the vile, you will be like my mouth. Convert them to you, and you do not convert to them.
    20 And I will make you in this town a fortified wall of bronze, and they will fight against you, but they will not defeat you; because I am with you to guard you and to defend you, says Jehovah.
    21 And I will deliver you from the hand of the wicked, and I will redeem you from the hand of the strong.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. God bless you my brother, and sustain you in your pain, soon the church will be raptured, soon the evil will end, soon we will be transformed into the likeness of Christ, he can do that miracle of healing in you, he can do everything possible, so cheer up, cheer up my brother Christ is coming soon …

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Father, I thank you for Ryan’s life and for his family! Lord, I believe in your mercy and I know that You are with him all the time. God, I pray for the restoration of Ryan’s health and I rebuke any lie of the enemy over him. Restore the mind and the body of your son and give him a renewed faith and strength to go through the day! Bless his family God, and may your love cover each one of them, in Jesus name, amen!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Ryan my brother in Jesus, I read all your post with a heavy heart for the way that you are suffering at present. You certainly are in the eye of the storm. If there is any encouragement in this it is that you have the enemy worried, hence this serious attack on you. Be assured of my prayers for your health and recovery my dear brother. May our Father God surround you with His Peace and guide you in your steps each day. May He bring health and healing to your body.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Thanks, Vivian. I’m okay. Just really discouraged. I saw a doctor today. She said the same thing they always say. Not much they can do for Celiac. She talked about Humira and other pharmaceutical drugs, which I can’t take. We talked about foods I can eat to help with nutrition and electrolytes. My heart, lungs, and blood pressure were all good. She recommended a gastro doctor I could see, but nothing they can really do either. I’m not taking any pharmaceutical pills. I just need to keep going and trust God. Thanks for praying.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I’d be discouraged too. 😔 I stay away from drugs too as they just made me worse. Do you know of a D. O. doctor or naturopath Dr. near you? My parents have told me about D.O. doctors and it seems promising as they treat the whole body not just symptoms and are more natural. It’s so hard feeling alone in our infirmities. I’ll keep praying and hoping as we stay strong in the Lord. We can’t give up! Psalm 34:4, 84:11

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I pray that God puts His hands on you at this time. God is our almighty healer and will continue to heal us. I ask for your healing and love over Ryan, to take his pain away, to strengthen him and comfort him. In Jesus name, Amen. God Bless You

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Dear son, I am on my knees praying and crying out to Almighty God to please answers our prayers for blessing you with healing, to take all your pain away and replace it with good health once again, to replace all your suffering with peace and joy. I pray he leads you to healing presently. “Dear God, please stop the evil one from attacking him and give him strength and good health again, heal him please. Dear God, hear his cries for healing, peace, and joy, and stop his suffering now so he can live a happy, healthy life and be there for his family and others. Please God bless Ryan with healing and good health.” Amen. I thank everyone for praying for you, I have asked my family and friends, too, and I am thankful you have asked for prayer, He is listening. I know Jesus is with you, Ryan, and you are hanging onto him tightly. I know you love and believe in him so much and He loves you. “God, please show Ryan the way, and I am praying it is your Will now to heal Ryan, and his suffering will stop.” Amen.
    We love you, Ryan and we are here for you and always will be.
    Love you, Mom

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Praying His strength over you Ryan! I deal with gut issues myself and get so frustrated and in not finding relief so I understand, though yours sounds much worse and more miserable!! I will continue to pray healing over you!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Is there a real healing and deliverance ministry near you so they can lay hands on you; sometimes we need powerful, anointed ministers of healing and deliverance to anoint, lay hands, and pray in person, especially when we are weakened. God bless you Ryan; may the Holy Spirit bring you the help you need from Above and lead you to ministers called, anointed, and appointed to heal and deliver, and set free from sickness, disease, and the spirit of infirmity. My thoughts and prayers for healing are with you.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Ryan my prayers are with you . I will be praying for you . The enemy would not be attacking your mind unless you were causing a dent in his kingdom of darkness. Hang on to your faith brother. Your brothers and sisters in Jesus are standing with you.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. George Beverly Shea – The Beautiful Garden

    There is a garden where Jesus is waiting,
    There is a place that is wondrously fair
    For it glows with the light of His presence
    Tis the beautiful garden of prayer,
    O the beautiful garden
    the beautiful garden of prayer
    O the beautiful garden of prayer
    There my Saviour awaits
    and He opens the gates
    To the beautiful garden of prayer.

    There is a garden where Jesus is waiting
    And I go with my burden and care
    Just to learn from His lips words of comfort
    In the beautiful garden of prayer
    O the beautiful garden of prayer
    There my Saviour awaits
    and He opens the gates
    To the beautiful garden of prayer.

    There is a garden where Jesus is waiting
    And he bids you to come meet Him there
    Just to walk and to talk with my Saviour
    In the beautiful garden of prayer

    Liked by 2 people

      1. The Holy City

        Last night I lay asleeping
        There came a dream so fair,
        I stood in old Jerusalem
        Beside the temple there
        I heard the children singing
        And ever as they sang,
        Methought the voice of Angels
        From Heaven in answer rang

        “Jerusalem, Jerusalem!
        Lift up you gates and sing,
        Hosanna in the highest.
        Hosanna to your King!”

        And then methought my dream was chang’d
        The streets no longer rang
        Hush’d were the glad Hosannas
        The little children sang
        The sun grew dark with mystery,
        The morn was cold and chill
        As the shadow of a cross arose
        Upon a lonely hill

        “Jerusalem, Jerusalem!
        Hark! How the Angels sing,
        Hosanna in the highest,
        Hosanna to your King!”

        And once again the scene was chang’d
        New earth there seem’d to be,
        I saw the Holy City
        Beside the tideless sea
        The light of god was on its streets
        The gates were open wide,
        And all who would might enter
        And no one was denied.
        No need of moon or stars by night,
        Or sun to shine by day,
        It was the new Jerusalem
        That would not pass away

        “Jerusalem! Jerusalem
        Sing for the night is o’er
        Hosanna in the highest
        Hosanna for evermore!

        Liked by 1 person

  11. You are not alone and thank you for sharing as well. I am standing with you in prayer. Jesus Loves you and never forsakes all His children. I know that feeling of thinking you are suffering because you have let God down somehow. This is from the devil! There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh but the Spirit.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Oh Ryan, once again I am moved to tears for you! I DO pray for your daily and thank you for letting us know how things are going. I know when my husband and I were truck drivers back in the early 80’s, different parts of the country affected me physically than when at home. The heat and humidity just added to my burden. I am so sorry to hear of your struggles, and am glad you know Jesus is holding you. I am ramping up my prayers for you and your family.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Precious Lord, Take My Hand

    Precious Lord, take my hand,
    guide me, let me stand,
    I am tired, I am weak, I am exhausted;
    Through the storm, through the night,
    guide me into the light:

    Take my hand, precious Lord,
    take me Home.

    When my path becomes sad
    Precious Lord, stay close,
    When my life is almost over
    Hear my cry, hear my call
    Take my hand so it doesn’t fall:

    When darkness appears
    and the night approaches,
    and the day has passed and gone, together
    to the river, I’m standing,
    guide my feet, take my hand.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. God bless you brother, God is with you, God will support you because nothing is impossible for God, he will sustain your life, I know that it is not the same to be going through that anguish than to experience it in your own flesh, but we know with certainty that Christ is experienced in grief and pain, he himself suffered the pain that we feel in our humanity …

        Liked by 1 person

  14. 💎📖- 1 Peter 5: 8
    Be sober, and watch; because your adversary the devil, like a roaring lion, walks around looking for someone to devour;
    9 whom you resist, firm in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are being accomplished in your brothers throughout the world.
    10 But the God of all grace, who called us to his eternal glory in Jesus Christ, after you have suffered a little while, he himself perfect, affirm, strengthen and establish you.

    There is a people praying for you brother, God is fighting your battle, do not surrender, continue to the target, do not fear excessively or be afraid, Every moment God is fighting for us, but he prepares to fight with faith through his word, praise God . Matthew 21
    16 and they said to him, Do you hear what these are saying? And Jesus said to them: Yes; Have you never read:
    From the mouths of children and those who suckle
    Did you perfect the praise? There is nothing impossible for God that does not diminish your faith but that it is increased day by day, because you have shown that you do not seek your own glory but that you give the Glory to God in everything in the first place … and God does fulfill his promises because the yes indeed is faithful and true and will never change because he is the same yesterday, today, and forever …..

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Father, I’m in agreement with my brother “I rebuke the devil’s lies by crying out to Jesus to rebuke him, and I recite the truth in God’s Word! There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ!” Father, you have a plan, and in your time it will be perfected. My brother, is going through a shift. His body is in a new State, and his mind going through a perfected state., through the depth of your loving care! Healing is his, strength is his portion. I pray for peace, for his family, and that all will be well! In Jesus’ name, Amen!! You’re in my prayers every week my brother!

    Liked by 2 people

  16. I pray that your mind will stay rooted in Christ. Do not give in. thank you for being honest about your feelings. Not many people/Christians can handle honesty but it’s out of our honest confession that we are healed. God bless you my brother, prayers going up for you. stay strong. if you ever need someone to talk to I am here for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Brother, I am lifting you up to the throne.

    I would venture to say the devil has a stronghold in Florida, just like he does here in Louisiana. Attacks are much stronger in such areas.

    Once you become accustomed to the air, pollutants and such it may turn around a bit.

    Praying the Lord’s will!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Stu! I appreciate the prayers, brother! God has been lifting me up and taking the pain away lately, and I am grateful for that. Definitely lots of spiritual battles going on down here. So thankful we are victorious in Jesus! Blessings!

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Hi Ryan, God is with you. I believe that in your battle against the disease, God will manifest Hos healing power.
    I declare in the name of Jesus that you will live and not die. God is bigger than that pain. Sometimes you may not see or feel it, but God is working in you my brother

    Liked by 1 person

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