This post is going to be short. I’m not doing well. I need prayer and my family needs prayer. I was in pain all day Tuesday and Wednesday, then again on Friday while I wrote my Good Friday post and again all day Saturday. Then Resurrection Sunday was amazing and the pain went away. I wasn’t well yesterday and now the pain is back again today. I am exhausted. I wrote hard through Easter week through all the suffering and I feel beat down and broken.
I have cried out to the Lord for over 8 years for healing. I have asked him to take the pain and help me gain weight. I have asked Him to heal my small intestine. I have prayed all I can pray in asking for healing. I am tired. I don’t want to be in pain anymore. I don’t understand why the Lord has done so many amazing miracles in my life, but He won’t heal me. God can do all things, but for some reason He chooses to allow me to suffer. I know His grace is sufficient and all I can do is rest in His grace even when I don’t understand.
All I know is that I have been suffering pain for many many years and I am very tired. I am concerned about my future as I get older. I am concerned for my wife and kids. I am only 41 and my body is falling apart. I don’t know how many more years the Lord will give me. I hope the harvest and fruit He produces through me is pleasing to Him. I hope I am pleasing to Him. I don’t always get it right and I know I can get fired up, but I want to please the Lord.
I do not blame the Lord. I just want to know why He won’t release His healing power into me and do a great miracle that would bring great praise to His Name. It is very difficult to write when in pain. It is very difficult to live when in pain. Why would the Lord not want me healthy and strong? Would that not help me write and serve Him even better? It would be great and I could get back to working a normal 40 hour per week job and provide for my family, I know that. Why not remove the thorn and use that as a testimony as well? These are questions in my heart I lift up to the Lord. Only He can answer those for me.
I am trusting in the Lord. I don’t know how much time I will be spending on the blog this week. You might not hear from me for awhile on your blogs. I am really hurting and I need help. I need God to heal me. I am crying out for mercy, and humbling myself before God and all of you, to ask for an outpouring of healing and mercy on me. Please pray for me.
Jesus has always been good and faithful to me and I trust Him, even if it means this disease kills me. I am thankful for the time I have. May His will be done in all things, whether He heals me or not.
“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
1 Thessalonians 5:16
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
2 Corinthians 12:9
Grace and peace to you all