Broken

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Photo by Ryan, 4-14-20, 6:35 a.m. MT

This post is going to be short.  I’m not doing well.  I need prayer and my family needs prayer.  I was in pain all day Tuesday and Wednesday, then again on Friday while I wrote my Good Friday post and again all day Saturday.  Then Resurrection Sunday was amazing and the pain went away.  I wasn’t well yesterday and now the pain is back again today.  I am exhausted.  I wrote hard through Easter week through all the suffering and I feel beat down and broken.

I have cried out to the Lord for over 8 years for healing.  I have asked him to take the pain and help me gain weight.  I have asked Him to heal my small intestine.  I have prayed all I can pray in asking for healing.  I am tired.  I don’t want to be in pain anymore.  I don’t understand why the Lord has done so many amazing miracles in my life, but He won’t heal me.  God can do all things, but for some reason He chooses to allow me to suffer.  I know His grace is sufficient and all I can do is rest in His grace even when I don’t understand.

All I know is that I have been suffering pain for many many years and I am very tired.  I am concerned about my future as I get older.  I am concerned for my wife and kids.  I am only 41 and my body is falling apart.  I don’t know how many more years the Lord will give me.  I hope the harvest and fruit He produces through me is pleasing to Him.  I hope I am pleasing to Him.  I don’t always get it right and I know I can get fired up, but I want to please the Lord.

I do not blame the Lord.  I just want to know why He won’t release His healing power into me and do a great miracle that would bring great praise to His Name.  It is very difficult to write when in pain.  It is very difficult to live when in pain.  Why would the Lord not want me healthy and strong?  Would that not help me write and serve Him even better?  It would be great and I could get back to working a normal 40 hour per week job and provide for my family, I know that.  Why not remove the thorn and use that as a testimony as well?  These are questions in my heart I lift up to the Lord.  Only He can answer those for me.

I am trusting in the Lord.  I don’t know how much time I will be spending on the blog this week.  You might not hear from me for awhile on your blogs.  I am really hurting and I need help.  I need God to heal me.  I am crying out for mercy, and humbling myself before God and all of you, to ask for an outpouring of healing and mercy on me.  Please pray for me.

Jesus has always been good and faithful to me and I trust Him, even if it means this disease kills me.  I am thankful for the time I have.  May His will be done in all things, whether He heals me or not.

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

1 Thessalonians 5:16

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

2 Corinthians 12:9

Grace and peace to you all

Author: Ryan Callahan

Hello, and welcome to my site! I am an independent Christian author (One Man's Very Strange Supernatural Life), blogger, and evangelist for Jesus. My main goal with this blog is to help people come to know Jesus, help people understand the Bible, and to minister to a lost and hurting world. This site is about hope, new beginnings, grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love! I'm glad you are here, God bless you! Copyright © 2020 Ryan Callahan. All rights reserved.

93 thoughts on “Broken”

  1. Ryan, I’m so sorry you’re suffering such pain and worry for the future of you and your family. Your cries to the Lord are honest and sincere, and I know that he hears you but the pain must be terrible.
    What have your medics said? Can they give you any hope re. medication/surgery?
    I’m praying for you. x

    Liked by 3 people

  2. We serve a miracle working God. Father, we beg You to have mercy on Your servant Ryan. Lord, please let the healing flow from Your throne of grace. Let the healing occur for Your glory Lord. Reward Ryan for being your servant. We humbly beg You to touch Your child. Praise Your holy name. Help us all to keep lifting our brother Ryan before Your precious throne. In Jesus name we pray. Amen and amen.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Ryan, I’m praying for you right at this moment. The pain and suffering you must be feeling is overwhelming. Know that you have the Great Physician hearing your cries and the prayers of all of us. I too, at just nearly 50, suffer with some incredible physical challenges and pain so I can truly empathize~I understand and will be your prayer warrior. God bless you! Like you’re doing, keep the faith. 💚

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Abba Father, I lift up your son Ryan to you. I thank you for Ryan and I ask, giving all thanks and honor to You Father, for healing grace to pour upon Ryan’s spirit and soul and body and entire life. Lord Jesus Christ I ask you to get to the root of this illness and rip out the roots, curse this disease and burn it away in your Holy Spirit and fire, to burn it root to branch, and replace with Your tree of life and the Vine of Christ that fruits Christ light, righteousness and Spirit. Father, I ask you to strengthen Ryan’s immune system and remove any and all pathogens or disorders that are causing his body to fight itself.
    We ask for the Peace of God, the Shalom of God our Eternal Father to pour upon Ryan’s spirit and soul and body, and crush satan under Ryan’s feet, as the Son of Righteousness rises in him with healing wings.
    Abba Father, as you have healed me over and over, from the miraculous to the small things only You would care about, I ask in the Name of Jesus, the Name above every name, the matchless Name, and in through the Blood of the Lamb, for healing grace for Ryan; removing the old and replacing with Your new wine into a new wineskin.
    Abba Father, I ask and thank you for Your River of water of life from the Throne to pour over, with and in Ryan now, flushing out any and all illness, disease, sickness, pain, toxins, pathology, cellular memory of disease; clearing, cleansing, washing, purifying, refining and making Ryan white as snow in the Blood, Water and Spirit of God our Loving, Powerful Father. Any spirit of infirmity must leave in the Name of Jesus! all illness must bow at the Name of Jesus! and Holy Spirit refill, refresh, renew, rejuvenate, and regenerate Christ in Ryan, the hope of glory; hope that does not disappoint; a desire fulfilled that is a tree of life! Holy Spirit heal, deliver and set him free; disease and all bondage to disease cursed on the tree. “By Jesus’ wounds we are healed.” Ryan’s body, be healed and made whole. Father we thank you in the Name of Jesus, Your Son, and through the Holy Spirit and fire, consume all that is not of your Son in your son Ryan; fill him to overflowing with your mercy, grace, power, goodness, kingdom, glory, presence, light, love, and Spirit! I ask all these things in Jesus’ Mighty Name, Amen.
    All glory and thanks and honor and dominion and power and authority and majesty we give to God our Father and His Christ, now and forever and ever. Amen. Hallelujah!

    Liked by 4 people

      1. God bless you!!!
        “For you do not have to fight this battle; take your position of righteousness of God with Christ Jesus; stand still and know God is Healer; and you will see the Victory of the Lord God Almighty on your behalf…O give thanks to the Lord for His steadfast Love endures forever!” 2 Chronicles 20:1-30
        You are Sovereign Lord God, and we trust you! We can do nothing apart from Christ! We cling to you Jesus, fix our eyes on you, keep our minds on the things Above, not things of earth; trusting God our Father working all things together for our good for those who love God and are called to His plans and purposes!
        We submit to you God, and yield to the Holy Spirit to guide and lead us to be and do what he has called each one of us to be and do for His Glory!

        Liked by 2 people

  5. Father God, I ask for You to pour out Your grace and mercy on Brother Ryan. Lord God, I ask that You give Ryan a spirit to endure this unrelenting pain. Lord God, meet Ryan right where he is. Speak to Ryan, shout to Ryan, make Yourself known to Ryan in this time of agony. Praise You Father that You draw near to the humble and poor in spirit. Thank You Lord that You come near to the broken-hearted. Lord God, I have no clue why You are allowing him to suffer, reward Ryan for suffering well in the midst of his pain. Lord God, this life is not easy, especially when all a person can see is pain and sickness. Lord God, fill Ryan and his family with the peace of Your presence. Lift up Ryan’s head and hands to You. Lord God, I do not know what healing looks like for Ryan and his family, Lord, but we know that You do. Lord God, strengthen Ryan’s wife. It is NEVER easy to see a loved one suffer. Lord, fill Ryan’s wife with patience and help Ryan to not take his pain out on his wife. Lord God, I ask that You give Ryan’s children understanding into their daddy’s condition. Help Ryan to see the joy and love that his family has for him even in the midst of his pain. Lord God, thank You for Ryan’s openness to admit that he is struggling and needs prayer. Lord, thank You that You are our living and active God who hears and answers prayers. Lord God, fill Ryan with peace and joy even in the midst of his all consuming physical, emotional spiritual pain and brokenness. Strengthen Ryan’s family. May this disease not be a hindrance to his marriage. Give Ryan and his family unity and love in the midst of all of this. Thank You Father for loving Ryan and filling him with Your Spirit. In Jesus’s Name I Pray. Amen.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Ryan, I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I will be praying for you to have some lasting relief. I read online that the medical community is beginning to perform small intestine transplants with cadaver intestines. Sounds like it can be a difficult process to undergo, but at least they are beginning to nail it down. God bless you, brother.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Many times I too ask God why about certain lingering issues But I take comfort that his grace is sufficient to keep me and I know you will be kept too (2nd Corinthians 12). God will always finish what he started in us according to Philippians 1 vs 6 and your life will bring him glory. Be encouraged. He promised us a garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness and your children are the seed that are blessed by God (Isaiah 61). I’ll remain in prayer for you and your family in Christ Jesus. Amen

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Jesus, I thank you that your body was broken for Ryan, that your stripes mean everything to us. I ask for an infusion of your joy, that Ryan may experience your strength. I ask that You would show him your love, and places of humor, as laughter does well as a medicine. I ask for a refreshing and renewal Spirit, soul, and body. In the mighty and precious Name of Jesus, our risen Lord, Amen. Ryan: I once heard a teaching on the power of visualizing yourself well, as you read healing scriptures, and doing so has helped me, I pray it might be the same for you. Please know, our prayers for God’s best are with you and your family. ♥

    Liked by 4 people

  9. Oh, Ryan, such beauty comes out of your heart even when you’re in pain.
    I could never tell you were in pain writing those beautiful blog posts.

    I pray that the Lord restores your health today.
    May he give you relief whenever you need it.
    And may he bring you and your family into his peace.
    Remember, anything is possible with the Lord.
    Today is only a tiny fraction of eternity.
    He will continue to do wonders in your life.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Praying for you Ryan! My wife and I will keep praying until you get your healing. We speak hope and healing into your life through Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” You are not alone, we are standing with you. God Bless you!

    Liked by 2 people

  11. I prayed over and over as I read along all these beautiful and powerful prayers for you, Ryan, and your family. Please, God, have mercy on Ryan, this loyal servant and warrior of yours, and may it be in your will to bless him with healing in this present day. Amen. I love you, Ryan, Mom.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Father, I pray your Grace and mercy over my brother, Ryan. Father, I pray for an outpouring, healing, strength, peace. For a heart, forever in your care! In Jesus’ name, Amen! You will be in my prayers again tomorrow! God bless!

    Liked by 3 people

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