Hello friends and family, our family made it through Influenza A! All I can say is praise God! Thank you so much for praying for us! I cannot stress just how terrible that virus is! Now I know why it kills people. We are very thankful to be over it! I want to tell you about the spiritual attack I was under during this illness. This was one of the worst battles of my life and I fell into seriously deadly despair.
When I say deadly despair I mean suicidal despair. The kind that grips your mind and soul and squeezes you to death with hopelessness. My Christmas and New Year was a nightmare and coming into 2019 there is one thing that I want to stress to you all. This war is real. This is not a game. There are real casualties, real pain, and real loss. We have an enemy that wants us dead because we serve The King. He hates us. He hates me and he hates this blog where I preach the truth of Jesus Christ. It makes him angry and he tries to kill me.
I have been a soldier in this war for a very long time now. I am battle hardened and I am not going to stop. I want you to know what I and my family suffered though during this time of illness because I was under relentless attack. The illness was bad enough, but it was the enemy’s attacks on my mind that struck a mighty blow to my spirit and my hope.
Feelings of anger against God welled up again. The physical suffering I was enduring reminded me of when I was first diagnosed and I became deeply angry at having to suffer it again. I listened to lies that God didn’t care about me anymore and the despair was unbearable. The enemy truly enjoys attacking us. You must understand this. If you are a Christian and especially when you are serving God in the war, you will be attacked at some point. We are soldiers. Soldiers fight wars. Our commander is God Almighty and the King of kings and Lord of lords Jesus Christ! The war is ancient and has been fought by many brave believers before us. We must continue the fight!
God is dealing with me gently and I love Him and thank Him for that. I am not going to repeat the conversation I had with God over this last 9 days of illness. I was very angry and in deep despair over Celiac and coming up on 7 years of suffering on 1-6-19. I was very angry that Celiac made the flu an extremely painful ordeal. He knows my heart and He heard all of your prayers. Your prayers lifted my soul and defeated the enemy’s attacks. My family is healed and we are moving forward in His grace.
My discipleship mentor used to always tell me, “Ryan, life is a battleground, not a playground.” At 40 years old after following Jesus for 22 years, I understand that better now more than I ever have. This war is real friends. Just remember, Jesus Christ already won that war when He died on that cross and rose again three days later! Glory to Jesus forever! I serve Him and I’m not going to quit now! I am His soldier! May His will be done!
Grace and peace and strength and power be yours in the Name of Jesus Christ!
“But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ.”