Homesick

Photo by Ryan, Rocky Mountain Front Range, 1-1-20

Homesickness is a real thing. If you have ever had to leave your home, then you know this is true. I’ve been having a hard time writing and I debated whether or not to even write this post, but I am a writer, so it always helps to write what’s all jumbled up in my heart. It helps make sense of what I’m feeling and thinking. Maybe it will help you too. I miss my home and my heart feels sick. Not sure where this is going. I’m just going to write.

If you have been reading my posts regarding moving to Florida, then you know we left Colorado on July 19th and arrived here on July 21st. It was truly amazing how fast God moved in power to get us down here! He truly did part the seas for us! I want to be clear that I am very thankful for all the Lord did. From my wife getting a job so fast to selling our house in only 3 days, it was evident that He was with us and it was His will.

Everything is fine here and we are pretty much settled in for now. We will be moving again into our new home in 7 or 8 months, but this rental house is home for now. The people are nice here and the school is great. Our kids have already made good friends, and my wife already has good friends among her coworkers at the school too. Our daughter attends the same school my wife teaches at, and our son is at the charter’s elementary school right across the street. My wife is actually one of our daughter’s teachers, which is fun for them. They are just up the street about 8 minutes from the house too.

It is a huge blessing that my wife got hired by this charter school. It’s one of the best in the whole country, and both schools are protected full time by armed police officers, which I love. My kids are safe under armed protection at home and at school. I love seeing my son standing next to a cop when I pick him up. That man is a brave hero and I know he would give his life to protect our son and all the kids there.

Missing home is nothing against Florida. I just miss my home. I miss where I’m from, where I grew up. I lived in Colorado for 34 years. I’ve lived here for 2 months as of today. I was raised in Colorado, went to college and met my wife there, raised our kids there, and we had a great life together there. Anyone who knows me, knows that I love Colorado, and nobody ever expected me to leave. Matter of fact, I was the absolute last person my friends and family thought would leave. I wanted to live the rest of my life there.

Photo by Ryan, Pikes Peak, 3-22-20

I miss taking a deep breath of that crisp Rocky Mountain air. I miss the majestic mountains and fishing for trout in the beautiful rivers. I miss the sweet smell of vanilla on the bark of the mountain pine trees. I miss the deer coming through and the sounds of the crickets and sparrows. I miss watching the hawks soaring through the bright blue sky with the gorgeous view of the Rockies in the background. I miss the amazing sunrises and sunsets, the changing seasons, and how everything moves and feels. I miss the people, I miss Denver, and I even miss the snow and cold. I know God brought us down here to rescue us and bless us and I know there is nothing back there for me now, but my heart wants to go home.

Photo by Ryan, Red Tailed Hawk sitting on the back fence, 4-8-20
Photo by Ryan, Hawk soaring at Daniels Park, 12-10-19
Photo by Ryan, Sparrow that sang to us every day, 3-18-20
Photo by Ryan, Deer sitting close to the house, 1-3-20
Photo by Ryan, Rocky Mountain Sunset, 11-10-19

The people here are nice and the Gulf and beaches are great. My wife and kids love it here and are very happy, but it’s harder for me. No matter where I live, Celiac is still with me. I’m still sitting in the house suffering and fighting this disease, and it has actually gotten worse since moving down here. I’ve been struggling with pain, loneliness, and depression yet again. You wouldn’t know that most of the time by how I write because I give it all to Jesus and just keep pressing on. Sometimes I write about it, but most of the time I don’t. It’s not easy fighting a chronic illness, and I fight the depression, anger, and loneliness that chronic disease and pain causes too.

I don’t really know what to do about how I’m feeling other than give it to God. I am 42. I’ve been fighting this disease for almost 9 years now. That is a lot of lost time I can’t get back. Almost a decade of my life is gone. Since moving down here, I’ve felt a deep hopelessness; like I’ve run my race and my life is over. I know we had to leave Colorado, but it still hurts that we had to leave. If it wasn’t for this disease, we would most likely still be there. If I was able to work full time like I did before Celiac destroyed my life, then it would not have been a problem.

There were other reasons we left, not just finances, but finances are a big reason when you can’t afford where you live anymore. It makes me so mad what those liberals did to my beautiful state! I love Colorado with all my heart! I wish I could go back and run for Governor! I would take the fight to those leftist traitors so hard, and I would have Colorado back on track to righteousness and prosperity in no time! No high taxes, no mandatory vaccines, no mandatory masks, no taking money from teachers, no lawlessness, and no shutdown!

I pray God spreads revival through Colorado and our whole country, and He removes all those wicked leftist traitors from power! Just look at all the violence, destruction, and death they have caused! It’s sickening! They want power, they want to control you and your kids, and they want to enslave us all with their socialist tyranny! Stand up, speak the truth, and fight back!

I am a mountain man. I lived the majority of my life at high altitude breathing thin fresh air. Our house was at 6,115 feet and we enjoyed beautiful blue skies, and clear starry nights every day. I am not use to wetness, rain, and humidity, and at this point, I don’t want to get use to it. I could turn off the A/C and drive with the windows down in Denver. If I do that here, the inside of the car starts getting wet and I can’t breathe from the heat and humidity. It has gotten a little cooler and less humid as we approach October, but it’s Florida, so I can never get a deep breath like I can in Colorado. The air is just too thick and wet here. I’m use to living in a high desert plain with dry heat, four seasons, and crazy weather coming down from the Rockies.

I didn’t want to leave Colorado. I just wanted to get out of debt and be able to afford the cost of living again. We did that, but we had to sell our house to get it done. We didn’t like what Polis was doing to teachers and the schools, but there are ways to fight back against tyrants and their tyrannical actions. We were getting tired of cold and winter, but my wife is from Anchorage, Alaska and I’m from Littleton, Colorado so that was the least of our concerns. I was going to have people shovel snow and mow my lawn as I got older anyway. The winter weather along the front range is pretty mild most of the time (even warm at times), and with over 330 days of sunshine per yer, just about every day in Colorado is beautiful.

There were so many things I wanted to show our kids. I never even got to take them up to Trail Ridge Road. They have been to the mountains many times, of course, but there was so much of the state we hadn’t seen. Even after living there for 34 years, I never got to visit Mesa Verde or resort towns like Steamboat and Crested Butte. I was blessed to have plenty of other adventures there like dropping in to Parsenn Bowl on my snowboard at 12,000 feet, river rafting the white water on the Arkansas, and hiking the Keyhole Route to the summit of Long’s Peak at 14,259 feet. Even did some rock climbing and rappelling in Estes Park. So many great memories.

I know we will make new memories here, and our home is wherever we are together as a family, so I am praying to stay positive and I’m asking the Lord to comfort and heal my heart. I will always miss Colorado and I truly hope I get to go back someday, even if it’s just to visit. I pray all my brothers and sisters in Colorado will stand up and fight back against the tide of liberal wickedness spreading through the state. Stand up for each other, stand up for your God given rights, and don’t let those insane traitors control your lives! Colorado is much too precious and beautiful and it must not be run by people who want to turn it into the failed socialist state of California! They are already well on their way, and if you’ve lived in Colorado for over 30 years like me, then you know I’m speaking the truth.

Yes, the cost of living is better down here, and we have a conservative Governor who respects our rights and law and order, but I will always miss Colorado. It use to be a red state, you know? Colorado was always conservative, always that is until liberals from Los Angeles, Portland, and Seattle started pouring into the state as they fled all the problems they and their liberal politicians created in their states. It’s totally insane that they think going to a new state will change their lives, when they come to the new state and vote and act the same sick way that ruined their last state! Polis ruined Denver and now it’s just like L.A.! Increased crime and violence, massive amount of homeless camps, defunding police, Antifa and BLM terrorists on the streets, and sanctuary city lawlessness! That is not Colorado and that is not how Colorado should ever be! Fight back and kick those tyrant traitors out of office!

To all my brothers and sisters in Christ, please pray for me and my family. Pray the Lord heals me and gives me strength. The stress from the move has been difficult on my body and my health. The last week of August I might have even suffered a heart attack or an angina, but I’m not sure. It was very painful in my chest, like someone was squeezing my heart, and my left arm went numb. My kids were home because school hadn’t started yet, but my wife was at work getting her classroom ready. My kids just about called 9-1-1, but I had them text my wife and she was able to come home.

I was bent over gripping my chest groaning in pain as I cried out to the Lord, and I thought I was going to die. It was very hard to breathe as any time I tried to take a breath, I would get a sharp shooting pain in my heart. I didn’t want to tell anyone because I didn’t want anyone to worry, especially my parents, but I told my Mom yesterday. She wants me to see a doctor. I hate going to doctors, but I probably should find out what happened to my heart that day. The pain lasted from that afternoon until I passed out at 2 a.m. the next morning, and my chest was sore and tender for several days afterwards.

I don’t know the full extent of damage that Celiac has caused to my body. Being malnourished due to a damaged small intestine does all kinds of things to the human body. I don’t know how much time I have left on this earth, but I pray to live a life that pleases the Lord. Whether I live in Colorado or Florida, and whether I am healed or not, may His will be done in all things. My life is in His hands and I know He will never leave me nor forsake me. I know He loves me and watches over my life. Whether I die at 42 or 82, may He glorify His Holy Name through me!

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.”

Jesus speaking in John 10:27-30

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Romans 8:38-39

I miss my home, but I look forward to my eternal home in Heaven with Jesus most of all. That is my true home! This whole earth is just a rental, and I long to be home with the Lord. I give my broken heart to the Lord. May we have our eyes forever on Jesus!

“But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness.”

2 Peter 3:13

“But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ.”

Philippians 3:20

Thank you for your prayers! Grace and peace to you all!

Author: Ryan Callahan

Hello, and welcome to my site! I am an independent Christian author (One Man's Very Strange Supernatural Life), blogger, and evangelist for Jesus. My main goal with this blog is to help people come to know Jesus, help people understand the Bible, and to minister to a lost and hurting world. This site is about hope, new beginnings, grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love! I'm glad you are here, God bless you! Copyright © 2020 Ryan Callahan. All rights reserved.

72 thoughts on “Homesick”

  1. Finally! Ryan, this is the post I had expected all along. The previous posts, all of which so gleefully applauded the move from Colorado to Florida seemed so disconnected from anything I knew in my life. When I felt forced to leave somewhere, like I did when I moved from New England to the DC area, I carried New England with me, unwilling to let it go. I’ve moved some more since (So. Car., Fla.), but those were intentional moves and I’ve embraced the change. Of course you miss Colorado! The good news is that recognizing your loss will actually help you embrace your new reality. Apparently, your wife and children are happy for the move, so that should help you, as well. FWIW, that was a humorous passage about the difference between Col and Fla when you turn off the A/C in the car and open the windows. So true! God bless …

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you, sir. I knew it would hit me sooner or later. We were definitely happy to leave the stress and debt, and thankful for all God did. Just wish we didn’t have to leave. It’s definitely hard getting use to the weather here. When those tropical storms come up, the air gets real thick.😊 Thanks for the encouragement, God bless!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks! I appreciate the encouragement! I will let you all know. Hopefully they don’t have to do any weird tests or put a stint in. That would be crazy! I hate going to the doctor. I’d rather just die out in the Rockies with the animals. You’ll never find me dying in a hospital. I wish I could just go home. Enjoy it out there! God bless!

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    2. My feelings echo Ward’s feelings. Even though we live in the spirit and lead by conscience, it’s important to acknowledge our feelings. When we suppress them, they only grow wilder. I pray that you will make yourself a home wherever you are. And remember that the Lord is the way maker. What seems impossible to us is perfectly possible for him!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hello sir,I am really very sorry to know that you are not well.It has all happened due to the stress.You are worried of your native place Colorado as it is being ruled by hooligans .Sir please leave all the worries to the Lord and take care of yourself ,your spouse and children .You have to spread the message of the Lord so you have a long way to go.I had a brain stroke 12 years back.I was not able to speak as my tongue got twisted for few hours on that day ,my left right arm was useless on that day but the Good Lord had healed me for a purpose and I am sure the Lord has a purpose for you too .Thanks a lot for sharing your thoughts .Take care.Prayers assured.🌷👍🙏

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  3. Wow our posts today are similar yet different. I can tell you growing up in Washington, and moving to Florida myself I never felt quite at home. Home is here in Washington for me. I do have some fond memories of Florida. 10 years of my life was there with 2 kids too. Prayers for healing, my write was about my pain body today. How God met me when I needed if most this weekend. I was kind of stuck. Praise God I have such a gracious God who knows every hair on my head. He knew what I needed, and how it was to be delivered. Prayers to you, and yours. This was a refreshing post. Knowing we as believers go through weary times. I am not alone, it is okay. I needed to read your post today! Blessings dear friend in Christ! May God be with you! Lisa

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      1. Thank God this is just a temporary stomping ground. God has a retirement plan that is out of this world for us. I see the days we live in. I don’t know the day or the hour, but never in my 46 years have I seen so many signs of the times. I think they too cause me a little depression. The spiritual battle is so real, and the evil that lurks is like none I have ever seen. It is awful right now, and we as believers have to just keep looking up for our redemption draws nye. When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.” Luke 21:28.
        I pray for healing on your person! God is bigger than any of this, and He has us! This I know because he writes it all over the place for me to see. He will keep me running the race, even when I tire. As He will you too. Until our last breath, or He comes to take us home. Best to you, and I get homesick. Blessings Lisa

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  4. When I was stationed at Fort Carson in 1988. I came from Wisconsin, which is also beautiful. When I got out we wound up having to decide between staying her or going back. After much prayer and wise counsel we decided God wanted us to be here. It was hard when my parents got older and sicker but if you are in God’s Will he will help you to bear it.

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  5. Stay strong Ryan! My wife wants us to move to her homeland of Italy in a few years. I know it’s a lovely country and all, but I also know I’d be homesick if we did move. I’ve heard that homesickness is a faze that you have to power through, and ultimately our homesickness comes to an end the moment we meet our Lord! Praying for you brother.

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      1. My father-in-law had a series of mini heart attacks days before God took him. He had ample time to get help but he wouldn’t no matter how much my mother-in-law begged. Okay, good, please do and take care.

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      2. Thanks for telling me that! That’s definitely what it felt like, a mini heart attack! My wife already found a good family doctor, so I’ll most likely go see her. The office is right next to the elementary school too, so it’s close. Sorry to hear about your father-in-law. Heart attacks run in our family for the men. My Grandapa and Uncle died that way, and one of my cousins just had one recently. He is in his 50s. My Dad hasn’t had one, but he is on heart medicine. I always figured that’s how I would go too, and I thought I would probably go earlier because of Celiac. I’ll do whatever I have to do to stay alive for my wife and kids, that’s for sure. Thanks again for sharing that! God bless!

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      3. I’m so glad for the good PCP, and that she found one so close. Yep, it definitely runs in the family. I just wanted to share our experience with Mark’s dad but I wasn’t implying you’re as stubborn as he was. I’m praying Ryan!

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  6. Ryan, as you explained, you both had many wise and valid reasons to move your family, and that difficult decision was no doubt justified and certainly blessed, but still I know that your leaving a place you loved, grew up in, and figured you would be in forever, makes for a hurtful heart ache for you, and I know the feeling of that kind of heart break, even though my time there was only 10 years compared to your 30 plus. When we all left Colorado as a family, well, it hurt more than I can express. I had dreamed of living in Colorado starting at the age of 15, probably younger, so when your Dad was blessed with getting a job that took the 4 of us to the Colorado foothills (when you were two), I couldn’t have been happier that my dream was actually coming true. Then after 10 short years of living my dream, I was going back to Illinois. Then, when you were at the University of Northern Colorado and your Dad took the job in Aurora, I was shocked that I didn’t want to move back to Colorado, I had made a new life in St. Charles. We have been blessed with God looking out for us with every turn and every move we have made. I still love Colorado! I am so grateful for all the years you guys lived there so I could go back and grateful for all the special times we had and with my grandchildren! Your Dad and I are very, very thankful for the ten years of being able to raise you and your sister there, it was awesome and the best! But, I have loved all the places we lived together because we were all there as a family under the same roof, and I have cherished memories in each home that we made. And, you are so right, your home is where your family is, and once you are in your new house it will become you and your family’s home and best of all, feel like home once again. I’m praying and hoping with all my heart, that you begin feeling better, too, Ryan, and please, listen to your Mom, and make that doctor’s appointment…please! I am so looking forward to being together again, Ryan, with all of you in your new home, seeing the ocean together, experiencing your community, and just being a family in person again!!!
    I love you very much, Ry! Mom

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      1. Your decision makes me very relieved, Ryan. I recognized all your beautiful photos, too! Look forward to maybe
        seeing some new photos of yours with maybe a verse!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thanks, Mom. It was good going through my old photos today. We hope to visit more places soon. I got rid of Fotor, so I’ll have to use a different site to make Scripture pins again. There are definitely some great places to take photos around here too. It will be fun to visit new sites.

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  7. i moved to texas from a florida beach in 1982, and i still miss the beach … i miss the sand between my toes, walking on the edge of the shore while the front edge of the waves pulls up only to fall back out again. but, i have never missed the culture, ever. i’ve never wanted to decorate my home with seashells, and i certainly do not miss the humidity! humidity is terrible on naturally curly hair 🙂 . i do love texas, but i also miss walking on the beach in florida, swimming in the ocean.

    idk why we have longings like that in our souls, why God allows them, but i know He does.

    idk why some of us have ‘body things’ that won’t go away. i understand the frustration, anger, depression, and pain, and longing to not be like ‘this.’ and i understand having to be wholly dependent on God to breathe and get through the next minute, hour, half a day. and i understand not wanting to know what this next body thing is, even though you should probably find out at some point if there’s anything you need to do about your heart.

    may God wrap His arms around you, and comfort you, and give you a peace just for you, deep in your heart and soul.

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  8. Praying for you and your family Ryan. I am sorry you had that terrible heart experience. Your mum is right you need to have it checked. Your post shows that you are a man of faith. You know the Lord and you know He is carrying you through this. You have a beautiful family and they need you Ryan.

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  9. Praying for you and your family Ryan and for a great peace to come over you during this time. We’ve been plucked up and away from Colorado a few times, but God knows your heart, and He is the one who gives you the great love for all the Colorado things… He is faithful. Regardless if it’s just for a season or long term, He is so good about giving us opportunities to go make memories and do things that make our hearts happy. It’s totally cliché I know, but the heart grows even fonder in absence… I pray you family can make good memories in Florida and also get a chance to come back here once in awhile too… there’s no place like home for sure. The smell of the pines will always be my home… but God has taken me out of here enough times and I’ve learned invaluable things while being elsewhere, which you are experiencing. And our gov does really suck. Driving home Sunday from a fun time in Vail took us SIX hours because 1-70 was such a mess. Just remember all the Californians coming here and maybe Florida won’t seem so bad, lol. Seriously tho, prayers to you that God would heal and settle you and give you peace!!

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    1. Amen, thank you! I appreciate your prayers, and your perspective about God opening opportunities. Very true. I truly hope the Lord spreads revival in CO and removes wicked people from the government. So true about I-70 too!😂 It’s crazy how much CO has changed in just the last few years, and it’s really grown since I was a kid in the 80s. Vail sounds great right now! So cool you went up there! Stop and enjoy the views every day and never take it for granted! God bless you and your family!

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    1. Thanks, brother! It’s tough right now. I just want to come home. I didn’t even get to visit the mountains one more time before we left. I will just keep trusting the Lord. Maybe we will come back someday. That would be awesome! Enjoy it out there! God bless!

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  10. Thank you for sharing your feelings, Ryan. We share your burdens, and we will rejoice with you when you have come through the home-sickness. God bless you and heal and strengthen and encourage you, and fill you afresh with His Home in your heart. I absolutely love fresh, pure mountain air when I used to go skiing and I love the fresh ocean air at the coast in California, but with all the engineering of the weather, trying to control the weather, is ruining our “perfect weather” even as Gov Newsom is ruining our state. I was seriously considering moving from California but your message helped me decide to stay put and continue to pray for her instead. God bless you and your family and your new home!

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  11. My brother in Christ, I am lost for words. As I read your post I felt every pain. I want to say that it is normal to feel that when you have lived somewhere all your live, then circumstances caused you to move. But God will use it for his glory in your life and he is surely with you and your family. I know that He is a healer and I know that His grace is still sufficient for you. I will continue to pray for you. Thank you for sharing your inner thoughts with us ( I am honored to be a part of your journey). It is well in Jesus name. #prayingforyou.

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  12. I understand and I’m so sorry you had to leave Colorado. If I had my way I’d live near or in the mountains. But God let’s me visit! I pray that you’ll be able to visit at least once a year . But also you can visit the mountains that are closer to you , the Appalachian range. I trust that the Lord has good plans for your family. It’s natural to grieve your loss , especially when you feel like it was forced on you by unjust laws. I pray that the Lord gives your peace and heals your body . 💕🙏

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  13. Yes, homesick is so real. There are times I really long to be at my hometown.
    It’s good to know you are adjusting amidst everything and it is so good to know someone who have a heart always close to the Savior despite the tides of life. I wish you longevity in life. God be with you and your family, in happiness and in difficult times!

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